Breaking Branches Funny Breaking Bad Funny Pictures of Llamas
- Baby!Kuzco than squeezes his toy until its head pops off, throws a tantrum and is met with the hands of a dozen servants holding out new ones for him. Which really explains a lot about him, when you think about it.
Kuzco-as-Narrator: This (picture of him on throne), not this (sad llama in the rain), this (throne), not this (rain), winner (emperor), loser (llama).
- After being told that his entire village is about to be destroyed at a moment's notice, Pacha (unaware that he has llama!Kuzco on the back of his cart) goes home and has a quiet moment by himself in his backyard. Then the movie literally grinds to a screeching halt while Kuzco comes out and proceeds to draw on the fourth wall!
Kuzco: (in the stopped film) Hi—excuse me. Two seconds here—I'm the one in the bag, remember? (Circles bag with a red marker) This movie is about me —not him. (crosses out Pacha) Got it? Okay. Alright, moving on. Sorry to slow you down. (Exits... then returns to scribble over Pacha; Kuzco chuckles sheepishly, then leaves; film starts up again)
Kuzco: D'oh! You threw off my groove!
Guard: I'm sorry, but you've thrown off the Emperor's groove. *picks up old man*
(Cut to the exterior of the palace, as the old man is sent flying out the window.)
Old Man: SOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYyyyyy!
- And then later, Pacha finds him stuck in a banner, he has this to say:
Pacha: What happened!?
Old Man: I... I threw off the Emperor's groove.
Pacha: What?
Old Man: His groove! The rhythm in which he lives his life! His pattern of behavior! I threw it off, and the Emperor had me thrown out the window!
Pacha: (Momentarily shocked) Oh... Really? Well... I'm supposed to see him tod-
Old Man: (Leaps up and shakes him by the collar) DON'T THROW OFF HIS GROOVE!
Pacha: O-Okay...
Old Man: (Walks away ominously) Bewaaare the grooove!
Pacha: Hey, are you gonna be alright?
Old Man: Groooooooove! (leaves) - Kuzco's narration of Pacha after this part: "You see what I mean, right? This guy is trouble."
- In the Norwegian dub, they took this line a step further and had Kuzco say, "You see what I mean? This guy is pure evil!"
Kuzco: Let's have a look-see... hate your hair, not likely, yikes, yikes, yikes, and let me guess; you have a great personality. (turns away, revealing one of the girls is being physically restrained from attacking him.)
- It should be noted that the upper part of the dress the women with the great personality was wearing was partly see-through from half of her chest up. You couldn't see anything in the second scene but the implication is there.
- Hungarian goes one step further, calling her "the last living dragon-worm on Earth" (as well as "living walking violation of all sense of style".)
- The Italian description of Yzma is 'la nonna brutta di Dracula', Dracula's Ugly Grandmother. It also gets used in place of "Scary beyond reason".
- The dubs had some fun with this one: in Italian Yzma is called "Dracula's ugly grandmother", in Brazilian Portuguese she's instead described as "Uglier than a scythe fight mediated by an axe", in Polish the description goes "So old that your brain gets wrinkled", and is French she's said to be "Scary without meaning to be". German has "a nightmare, a vision of horror".
Yzma: It is no concern of mine whether your family has... what was it again?
Villager: Um... food?
Yzma: HAH! You really should have thought of that before you became peasants!
Kronk: So, how does that work with you being fired and all?
Yzma: The only people who know about that are the three of us, soon to be the two of us!
Kronk: And I'm one of those two, right?
Yzma: To the secret lab! Pull the lever, Kronk! (Kronk pulls the lever on the left, and Yzma falls down a trap door) WRONG LEVEEEEEEEER!
(SPLASH!)
Kronk: Huh?
Yzma: (Dripping wet and with a crocodile attached to her derrière) Why do we even HAVE that lever? (She slaps the croc, and it runs off yelping. Then she stomps back to the lab entrance) Get outta my way! (She pulls the lever on the right, and she and Kronk get forcibly flipped into the lab.)
- Also, later in the movie...
- Even more humorous when you consider that Kuzco basically just invalidated the Fridge Logic behind said lever; presumably, if there was a practical purpose to it, it would be to dispose of intruders who are way too close to discovering/entering Yzma's lab- yet as Kuzco clearly demonstrates, it's comically ineffective at even that.
- This became a running gag in the TV show, when every time Kronk pulled the lever, something different would happen (usually involving Yzma being in physical pain).
Yzma: Ah, how shall I do it? Oh, I know. I'll turn him into a flea. A harmless little flea. And then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives... [cackles] ...I'll SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER! It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you! Genius, I say! [knocks over bottle of poison on flower, which instantly shrivels up and dies] Or, to save on postage, I'll just poison him with this!
- To make it funnier: Ymza pronounces "smash it with a hammer" as "smash it wif a hamma!"
- And right after, when she hands the poison over to Kronk:
Yzma: Ooooohhh, feel the power!
Kronk: [absolutely deadpan] Oh. I can feel it. - "Our moment of triumph approaches! AH HA HA HA HA! It's DINNER TIME!" *dramatic lightning*
- The funniest part is Kronk's face lighting up when she says the word "dinner".
- Basically, the whole movie happened just because Yzma was too cheap to pay for postage.
- During dinner, Kronk is just about to hand the poisoned drink to Kuzco, who smells something burning. Kronk gasps in horror, "My Spinach Puffs!" and bolts out of the dining room, which leads to this very awkward small talk between Kuzco and Yzma.
Kuzco: So, he seems… nice.
Yzma: (gives a weak chuckle) He is.
(Beat)
Kuzco: He's what, in his late twenties?
Yzma: I-I'm not sure… (forces an awkward smile) - And then, after it turns him into a llama instead, Yzma orders him to take him out of the city and kill him.
Yzma: What?! A llama?! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!
Kronk: Yeah, weird.
Yzma: Let me see that vial. (Kronk hands the vial to Yzma. The label's folded half-way, the logo looking like the top half of a skull. Yzma unfolds the top of the label with her thumb, revealing a logo in the shape of a llama.) This isn't poison! This is extract of... LLAMA! (She tosses the vial at Kronk, which bounces off of his head and shatters on the floor.) Oooohhhhh...
Kronk: You know, in my defense, your poisons all look alike. You might think about relabeling some of them.
Yzma: Take him out of town and finish the job! NOW!
Kronk: What about dinner?
Yzma: Kronk, this is kind of important.
Kronk: What about dessert?
Yzma: (seems about to snap, and then reconsiders) Well, I suppose there's time for dessert.
Kronk: (excitedly) And coffee?
Yzma: ...All right, a quick cup of coffee. THEN TAKE HIM OUT OF TOWN AND FINISH THE JOB! - The very subtle Funny Background Event during Kuzco's transformation sequence, where we cut to a couple of wide shots of Yzma's dumbfounded reaction. Right next to her, we see the cactus where she tosses her drink (also containing the supposed poison)—and it's now shaped like a llama head and neck.
- Since the transformation is delayed, Kuzco just keeps yammering obliviously. Yzma starts trying to subtly signal Kronk to knock him out by smashing two heads of broccoli together. Key word trying.
Kronk: ...More broccoli?
(Yzma growls in frustration, then pounds her palm with her fist to make Kronk finally get the message)
- A wall covered with carvings of giant stone figures pointing down at him, no less.
- Kuzco narrating this moment: "I am so glad I was unconscious for all this."
- Also led to a Real Life moment, when the Disney lawyers required Kronk's voice-actor Patrick Warburton to officially sign over the rights to the tune he improvised while recording the scene.
Shoulder Angel: Oh come off it!
Shoulder Devil: You come off it!
Angel: You!
Devil: You!
Angel: You!
Devil: You infinity.
Angel: (frustrated) Rrrgh!
Devil: (to Kronk) Alright, listen up big guy, I've got three good reasons why you should just walk away. Reason #1...(points to the Shoulder Angel) look at that guy, he's got that sissy stringy music thingy.
Angel: We've been through this. It's a harp, and you know it.
Devil: Right, that's a harp...and that's a dress.
Angel: Robe!
Devil: Reason #2...look what I can do. (does a one-handed handstand) Ha-hah!
Kronk: (actually acting relatively smart for once) But...what does that have to do with anyth-...?
Angel: No, no, he's got a point.
Kronk: Listen, you guys. You're starting to confuse me, so, uh... "begone"! Or, uh, you know, however I get rid of you guys.
Devil: That'll work. (They poof out of existence)
- The French dub makes it even better by ending Kronk's last line with "Or, uh, I'll have to cancel my subscription."
Kuzco: (narrating) Uh... what's with the chimp and the bug? Can we get back to me?? (camera quickly zooms back in)
Pacha: Of course! Yeah, Mommy and I are just going to be staying up telling each other how much we love each other... Right, honey?
Chicha: [grins and flutters her eyelashes at him.]
Tipo & Chaca: Eww! Good night!
- Pacha then asks how this happened, and Kuzco can't remember, probably due to amnesia caused Kronk knocking him unconscious at Yzma's order. Then something comes back to him:
Kuzco: Wait a minute. I remember you. I remember telling you that I was building my pool where your house was, and then you got mad at me… OH! (comes to a "realization", then glares at Pacha) And you turned me into a LLAMA!
Pacha: What? No, I did not!
Kuzco: Yes, and then you kidnapped me!
Pacha: Why would I kidnap a llama?
Kuzco: I have no idea. You're the criminal mastermind, not me.
Pacha: (incredulous) What?!
Kuzco: Hmm. You're right. That's giving you way too much credit.
- "Oh, it's a scary tree! I'm afraid!"
- What does wake up the jaguars, though, is Kuzco's triumphant "HAH!" when he realizes the pop didn't wake them up.
Kuzco: Maybe I'm just new to this whole rescuing thing, but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backward, wouldn't you say?
Pacha: No no, it's all right, we can figure this out!
(tree cracks, about to fall)
Kuzco: I hate you.
- Just before this, we see Pacha's attempted Big Damn Heroes moment: Kuzco is cornered on a cliff by the jaguars when suddenly, Pacha swings in on a vine with a Tarzan-esuqe yell, ready to kick the jaguars right off the cliff...but they simply angle their heads to let him swing past, with very unimpressed faces.
Pacha: Uh-oh.
Kuzco: (completely deadpan, facing the other way) Don't tell me: we're about to go over a huge waterfall.
Pacha: (also completely deadpan) Yep.
Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?
Pacha: Most likely.
Kuzco: (Beat) Bring it on. (They go over) BOOYAAAAAHAHAHAHWOO!!!!
Pacha: How can you be this way? All you care about is building your summer home and filling it with stuff for you!
Kuzco: Uh, yeah. Doy. Me. Everyone else in the kingdom gets it. You're the only one that doesn't seem to be with the program, eh, Pacha?!
Yzma: And so, it is with great sadness that we mourn the sudden departure of our beloved prince...
Kronk: (sobbing)
Yzma: Taken from us so tragically on the very eve of his 18th birthday.
Kronk: Poor little guy.
Yzma: His legacy will live on in our hearts...
Kronk: He never had a chance.
Yzma: ...for all eternity. (Beat) Well, he ain't gettin' any deader! (rips off black cloak to reveal a hot pink horror extravaganza of an outfit) Back to work. (the attendees quickly toss their candles away and get to renovating the palace)
- This conversation afterward, when Kronk says Kuzco couldn't be any more dead than he is, unless they killed him again.
Yzma: Kronk... Kuzco is dead, right? Tell me Kuzco's dead. I need to hear these words.
Kronk: [nervously] Uh, do you need to hear all those words exactly?
Yzma: He's STILL ALIVE?!
Kronk: Well... he's not as dead as we would've hoped...
Yzma: [face turning red] Kroooooonk...
Kronk: Just thought I'd give you a heads-up, in case Kuzco ever came back.
Yzma: He can't come back!
Kronk: Yeah, that would be kinda awkward. Especially after that lovely eulogy.
Yzma: YA THINK?! You and I are going out to find him! If he talks, we're through! Now, let's MOVE! - When the royal dresser comes, Kronk says he's a 66 long and a 31 waist.
Pacha: For the last time, it was not a kiss!
Kuzco: Well, whatever you call it, it was disgusting! And if you'd done what I ordered you to do in the first place, we all could have been spared your little kiss of life.
- And beware the pop-out llama tongue.
- Lampshaded by a cutaway to Pacha's children later in the film:
Chaca: Well in my dream, Dad had to kiss a llama!
Tipo: Yeah, like that would ever happen!
Chaca: It could!
Tipo: Nu-uh!
Chaca: Ya-huh!
Tipo: Nu-uh!
Chaca: Ya-HUH!
Chicha: Goodnight, you two.
Kids: Night, Mom! Nu-uh! Ya-huh! Nu-uh! Ya-huh!...
- The short-lived Running Gag of Kuzco constantly putting out the campfire that Pacha's TRYING to start. Spitting on it, shaking the water off his fur, and even tossing Pacha's poncho onto it.
Pacha: Are you alright? Are you okay?
Kuzco: Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm alright!
Pacha: Good! (quickly punches Kuzco) That's for going back on your promise!
Kuzco: (kicks Pacha away) Yah! That's for kidnapping me and taking me to your village, which I'm still gonna destroy, by the way! Ah ha ha...No touchy! (Pacha slams him into the cliffside)
Pacha: Why should I risk my life for a selfish brat like you?! I was always taught that there was some good in everyone, but ooh, you proved me wrong!
Kuzco: Oh, boo hoo. Now I feel really bad. [slaps own face] Bad llama!
Pacha: I could've let you die out there in that jungle, and then all my problems would be over!
Kuzco: Well, that makes you ugly and stupid.
Pacha: Let's end this.
Kuzco: Ladies first!
Woo-oo-yeah! Ooh, look at me and mah bad self! I snatched you right out of the air! "Oooh, I'm a crumbly canyon wall and I'm taking you with me." Well, not today pal! A-huh! [little llama strut] A-huh a-huh a-huh!
- What makes this scene even better is if you notice what shapes the bees take while chasing Yzma. They include an arrow, a tornado and a shark.
- And there's still one small detail very easy to miss during that very scene: when the bee swarm appears in the background as a shark, Yzma uses a stick to ward it off. A few seconds later, she reappears holding a cartoonish bug sprayer!
- While Kronk is recording the bird, it tweets. By actually saying "tweet" in an incredibly flat and bored-sounding voice.
- The two of them acting like lovestruck newlyweds is extremely funny.
- The Norwegian dub completely drops the ambiguity and has the waitress congratulate them for "coming out of the closet."
- Also notice how many candles they put on Yzma's cake during that scene.
- "Hahaha! It's your birthday?!"
- And the Cucumber Facial that follows it!
Kronk: Yzma?
Yzma: WHAT?!
Kronk: UGH!
Yzma: This had better be good! (cucumber slices fall out of eyes)- Another piece of insanity from the Italian dub has Yzma's last line replaced with "I've killed for much less!"
- The Latin American Spanish dub also changes Yzma's last line, which now says "I was dreaming about Ricky!"
- The funniest part? Take a wild guess who did the Latin Spanish voice for Disney's Hercules.
- The juxtaposition of Yzma in a gigantic tent the size of a bungalow with her lackey Kronk sleeping right next to it "inside" a tiny tent that barely covers his lower body.
- The Visual Gag of Kronk having a tiny tent covering his lower body. He's literally "pitching a tent."
Kuzco: Wait, was this woman scary beyond all reason?
Pacha: Oh, yeah!
Kuzco: That's Yzma and Kronk! I'm saved!
- Later, when the two old guys tell Pacha that his "relatives" are at his house:
Pacha: ...What did they look like?
Geezer #2: Well, y'see, there was this big guy...and this older woman—who was, uh...how would you describe her?
Geezer #1: Eh, scary beyond all reason.
Geezer #2: Yeah, that's it!
(Kuzco and Pacha share an Oh, Crap! look)
- As Kronk is jump-roping with the kids, Yzma jumps in to whisper some instructions to him... while also jumping rope and patty-caking with him.
- Just seeing Yzma trying to lie about who she is and turning to Kronk for support only to see him jump roping with the kids chanting to 99 Monkeys Jumping on the Bed.
Kuzco: Hey there! (CLANG!)
Pacha: (cringing) That was him.
Chicha: (mildly) Oops.
- And Kuzco's reaction afterwards: "You have a lovely wife! Both very pretty!"
Tipo: (to Yzma) You know, I don't believe you're really my great-aunt. You're more like my great-great-great-
(cut to another scene, then later back to Tipo and Yzma)
Tipo: -great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-
Yzma: Grr! All right! Are you through?
Tipo: ...great-great aunt.
- Add to the fact that he says exactly 23 'great' in that span of time.
Chicha: What do you mean the door is stuck? Try jiggling the handle.
Yzma: There IS no handle in here!
Chicha: (Holds up a detached door knob while Tipo and Chaca stifle their laughter) There's not? Are you sure?
Yzma: All right, I've had enough of this! Tell us where the talking llama is, and we'll burn your house to the ground!
Kronk: Uh, don't you mean 'or'?
Yzma: UGH! Tell us where the talking llama is OR we'll burn your house to the ground!
Chaca: Well, which is it? That sounds like a pretty crucial conjunction!
- At "OR", Yzma exaggeratedly turns to shoot a Death Glare at Kronk with her now-red eyes (which are all we can see of her), as if Kronk is just being nitpicky and she's begrudgingly humoring him.
- In the same scene, Kronk refuses to break down the door to the closet they're trapped in because of it being "hand carved mahogany".
- The fact that Kronk doesn't seem to understand why they're there in the first place.
Kronk: Well, I had a great time. Let's not wait until the next family reunion to get together, okay?
Kuzco: No! It can't be! How did you get back here before us?!
Yzma: ... (Beat) Uh... How did we, Kronk?
Kronk: Well, ya got me. (pulls down the diagram from the montage) By all accounts, it doesn't make sense.
Yzma: Oh, well. Back to business!
- The Italian dub managed to make it even better by replacing Kronk's line with "I don't know. Everyone in the audience is asking that too!"
- The Spanish dub has Kronk comment that "I dunno. Must be one of those tricks used in the movies".
- Speaking of the diagram, during the chase scene, Yzma and Kronk see the red line marking Kuzco and Pacha's path on the map, as well as the blue line of their own path trailing right behind them, and are both utterly dumbfounded, but they just decide to ignore it.
Yzma: ... Then I bet you weren't expecting this!
[hikes up her skirt]
Pacha: Gaaah! [covers his eyes]
Kuzco: Nooo! Ah, nooo!
Yzma: Ah-HA! [reveals a thigh sheath and pulls out a vicious-looking dagger]
Pacha: Phew.
Kuzco: Oh, okay.
Shoulder Devil: Hey, you're not backing down now are ya, big guy? *Appears*
Kronk: Uh...Where's the other guy? *Shoulder Angel appears, sitting under a hairdryer, and reading a book* Yo!
Shoulder Angel: Sorry I'm late. What'd I miss?
Kronk: Well, Yzma just tossed me this knife, and asked me to, y'know, take them out, and then this guy popped up, and we waited for you, and quite honestly...
- All the while Kronk's been talking (and making various gestures), for Yzma, Pacha, and Kuzco it looks like he's talking to thin air. Yzma points in disbelief, while the other two shrug with bewildered expressions on their faces.
Yzma: Kronk! Why did I think you could do this? This one, simple thing... It's like I'm talking to a monkey!
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Whoa, now.
Yzma: A really. Really. Big. Stupid. Monkey. Named. KRONK!
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Ouch.
Yzma: And do you want to know something else? I never liked your spinach puffs!
All Kronks: (Gasp!)
Yzma: NEVER!
Kronk: (sobs)
Shoulder Devil: That's it. (pumps his pitchfork like a shotgun) She's going down.
Shoulder Angel: Now, now, remember, guys. "From above, the wicked shall receive their just reward."
(They all look up and see a chandelier, as a heavenly chorus plays)
All three of them: That'll work.
(Kronk slices the rope holding up the chandelier, which crashes down around Yzma. She is untouched; her body was so skinny it passed right through a gap.)
Kronk: Strange, that usually works.
Yzma: And so does THIS!
(She pulls a lever and a trap door opens under Kronk)
Kronk: Oh, I shoulda seen that one coming. WHOOOOA!
(He falls, followed a moment later by the Angel and Devil, who hug each other for safety)
Yzma: Get them!
Random Soldier: Hey, I've been turned into a cow. Can I go home?
Yzma: (completely calm and polite) You're excused. Anyone else?
Soldiers: No, no, we're good.
Yzma: GET THEM!
Whale!Kuzco: Don't you say a word...
- And then, in genuine, even enthusiastic, relief:
Kuzco: Yay, I'm a llama again! ...wait.
- And before this, Pacha is fervently praying for a potion transformation: "Oh, please be something with wings!" The smoke clears, there's a close-up of Bird!Kuzco crying out triumphantly...and then the Reveal Shot is of him being incredibly tiny with wings that can't hold Pacha for more than a few seconds before they plummet to the ground.
Yzma: There they go, after them!
Lead soldier: C'mon men! Nobody lives forever!
*they jump down the funnel and end up sliding out of it and falling to their (offscreen) deaths*
- And then they delay her next spoken line, which makes it all the funnier when she turns out to have a squeak like a reject Chipmunk.
Kitten Yzma: [holding the Human potion with evil relish] Looking for this? [blink] Is that my voice? [cough] Is that MY voice? [Shrug Take] Oh, well. [back to the villainy]
Guard: For the last time, we did not order a giant trampoline!
Merchant: You know, pal, you coulda told me that before I set it up!
- When Yzma hits the trampoline it bulges at the bottom of her fall, remains perfectly still for a moment as her scream stops, and then launches her screaming back into the air.
- She then catches the vial while shooting back upward, stops screaming and laughs triumphantly, only to be cut short by smashing headfirst into and flattening against a stone arch.
- The final version is just as funny: Kuzco ultimately gets his water park by having the mini version converted into a birdbath.
Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/TheEmperorsNewGroove
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